Linecrafting
Jan. 16th, 2012 05:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
loaded_marchI decided to test the theory that I could avoid getting bitten by yet another plot bunny, this one for the Merlin Big Bang, by writing the first scene to get it out of my head. In doing that, I re-discovered the reason why I do not let my inner editor out from the dungeons until I'm finished writing something.
It has to do with linecrafting, and making something sound just right.
(for the record, no, I haven't signed up for the Big Bang. I am not convinced I have a plot yet)
Anyway, sometimes I will write something, and it will be absolutely completely crap. There will be sufficient crap to pile it all high enough for it to get on any ride at the amusement park by itself. Other times, I don't have the scene firmly enough in my head, the extraneous details, the supporting environment, and it's a struggle to get something right. But once I have it down -- especially the first sentence of any given scene -- it comes out like a burst dam.
I must have rewritten this sentence a billion times during my lunch hour today, trying to get the right feel for the scene. Alas, the inner editor chose that moment to break loose, and this is what happened.
The original line is:
It was a RazR-552 model taken out of the hands of a street punk who thought that Arthur would be an easy pushover
You'll notice there is no period at the end of the sentence, and that's because as soon as I got to this point, I took out the eraser (I usually write in pencil for some reason).
Attempt One:
It was a RazR-552 model taken out of the hands of a street punk who thought that Arthur would be an easypushover mark.
Much better! Changing one word, especially a word that is the wrong one, for the word that is not only colloquial but the correct word, put the line in better context. However. It still doesn't work for me. The emphasis should be more on the gun than how it ended up in Arthur's hands.
Attempt Two:
It was a RaZR-552mi model, jailbroken to accept any ID chip, modified for left-handed use.
So I gave it some bells and whistles. I prettied up the model number and gave it a few unusual options. Why would it need an ID chip? Why does it matter that it's for left-handed use? Well, that's just limiting. *blows raspberry*
Attempt Three:
It was as RaZR-552mi model, jailbroken to accept any ID chip, modified for ambidextrous use and long distance kills.
Big whoop. Who cares? How long distance is long distance? And ambidextrous use? How many people do you know are truly ambidextrous? Next!
Attempt Four:
It was a RaZR-552mi model with a list of illegal modifications that would make any outlaw drool.
Um. All right. But what's on the list? Something's not right with this sentence. And what is it a model of?
Attempt Five:
It was a RaZR-552mi handgun with a list as long as Arthur's arm of illegal modifications that would make any outlaw drool.
All right. Better. Now I am back to a connection with Arthur, I've specified that it's a gun, and by the designation, it's an advanced model, but "as long as Arthur's arm" is kind of mild language for the tone of the scene.
Attempt Six:
It was a RaZR-552mi handgun with a list as long as a Hollan's cock of illegal modifications that would make any outlaw drool.
*headdesk* The sentence is awkward, and the reference to "outlaw" makes me think of a Western, which this scene is most assuredly not. Let me switch it around and chop off the excess. Not of the excess of the Hollan's cock. That would make the Hollan mad. I don't want to make him mad.
Attempt Seven:
It was a RaZR-552mi handgun with a checklist of illegal modifications that was as long as a reptilian Hollan's cock.
All right, this is somewhat better. I've established that there's a science fiction element to the scene from the get-go between the gun designation and the mention of an alien race. Still, it's not really grabbing me. I lost Arthur in this again.
Attempt Eight:
In Arthur Pendragon's hand, the RaZR-552mi handgun was surprisingly light.
Yeah, I totally went ballistics (no pun intended) on the sentence by rewriting it entirely. Arthur is back, I think that the gun designation is enough to hint to the science fiction aspect, but saying that the gun is "light" makes me think that maybe I've given Arthur a girly gun. Whoops. Gotta fix that.
Attempt Nine:
The RaZR-552mi handgun was too small in Arthur Pendragon's hand, but it would do the job.
Another complete rewrite of the sentence. I kept Arthur, I kept the gun designation, I kept the hint that the gun was small, and I gave it a purpose. All the elements I want are there, except it doesn't quite roll off the tongue one damn bit. Also, I had a random thought that, would they really refer to their weapons as "guns" in this universe? Maybe, maybe not.
Attempt Ten:
The RaZR-552mi blaster was almost weightless in Arthur Pendragon's hand, and it would do the job where everything else had failed.
I decided to use "blaster" instead of "gun" for reasons that will follow in the next few sentences of the scene (notably that blasters are illegal, while guns are all right if they are locked to the owner's ID chip). I changed "too small" to "almost weightless" to give it a hint of the exotic, because most weapons are pretty heavy unless you're used to the weight of carrying one, and Arthur is used to it, believe me. And on top of giving it a purpose, I gave it a special purpose. Whatever Arthur is going to be using it for, it's got a better than average chance of working where other weapons didn't against Arthur's opponent, which leads into the hook of why does Arthur have this particular gun and who (or what) is he going against?
I'm reasonably happy with this sentence (happy enough to stop picking at it and keep going), and just the process of picking it apart as many times as I did (only 10? Jesus, it felt like more) helped solidify the setting more. But, like I said, there's a reason why I don't let the inner editor out very often -- and that's because it took me one whole frigging hour to write this sentence.
It's only twenty-one words, people! Compare that to my usual word count. I can do 1,000 words in about 45 minutes if I know what I'm writing about (slower on certain angst-filled scenes, though, faster on action scenes). And here I killed one hour on 21 words!
This is why I keep repeating the mantra: Write. Forget about editing. Do it later. The facts and the details will come as you go. By the time you've finished writing something, however long it is, everything that needs to be there is there. Even if you're not happy with it as you write it, or even after you're finished writing it, remember that you can always fix it later.
Believe me, minute for minute, it will take you far less time to rewrite a section, a chapter, or even a short paragraph when you're done than the sum total of time it will take you to write a full fic if you're editing on the go.
The usual disclaimers apply, though. This process won't work for everyone. It's not uncommon for me to finish a fic, go back to the beginning, and to rewrite the whole thing from scratch. It doesn't happen as frequently as it used to because I've gotten better at holding the whole story in my head, details and tidbits and teasers, but it does happen. My record? I have rewritten a 100,000K novel (original fiction) eleven times. You read that right. Eleven times. If I go back to it now to fix all the problems that are still there, it will be rewrite number twelve. Ouch. And I'm not willing to give up on it.
For some people, maybe editing on the go works better than waiting until the end. I've seen people edit a chapter after they're finished writing it and before writing the next one. I've seen them write six chapters then go back to the beginning to edit it a second time, fixing inconsistencies along the way. I've seen them get halfway through and edit everything again to make sure that they were on track, adding details that didn't show up until they were further in, laying clues and tidbits of information. It might seem counterproductive to do it that way, but in the end, when they're done, all they have left to do is a line edit and they can turn in a polished piece.
Figure out what works best for you. Sadly, I can't follow that up with and stick with it, because every piece of fiction is different. Some of them want to be babied all the way through. Others just want to get written no matter what. Yet others are clingy and you can't get away from them however hard you shake your leg to get free. The only thing I can say is to figure out what works best for you for the fiction you're writing now.
And now to get back to writing Part 9 of LM. At least that baby is being sweet to me this time around.
It has to do with linecrafting, and making something sound just right.
(for the record, no, I haven't signed up for the Big Bang. I am not convinced I have a plot yet)
Anyway, sometimes I will write something, and it will be absolutely completely crap. There will be sufficient crap to pile it all high enough for it to get on any ride at the amusement park by itself. Other times, I don't have the scene firmly enough in my head, the extraneous details, the supporting environment, and it's a struggle to get something right. But once I have it down -- especially the first sentence of any given scene -- it comes out like a burst dam.
I must have rewritten this sentence a billion times during my lunch hour today, trying to get the right feel for the scene. Alas, the inner editor chose that moment to break loose, and this is what happened.
The original line is:
It was a RazR-552 model taken out of the hands of a street punk who thought that Arthur would be an easy pushover
You'll notice there is no period at the end of the sentence, and that's because as soon as I got to this point, I took out the eraser (I usually write in pencil for some reason).
Attempt One:
It was a RazR-552 model taken out of the hands of a street punk who thought that Arthur would be an easy
Much better! Changing one word, especially a word that is the wrong one, for the word that is not only colloquial but the correct word, put the line in better context. However. It still doesn't work for me. The emphasis should be more on the gun than how it ended up in Arthur's hands.
Attempt Two:
It was a RaZR-552mi model, jailbroken to accept any ID chip, modified for left-handed use.
So I gave it some bells and whistles. I prettied up the model number and gave it a few unusual options. Why would it need an ID chip? Why does it matter that it's for left-handed use? Well, that's just limiting. *blows raspberry*
Attempt Three:
It was as RaZR-552mi model, jailbroken to accept any ID chip, modified for ambidextrous use and long distance kills.
Big whoop. Who cares? How long distance is long distance? And ambidextrous use? How many people do you know are truly ambidextrous? Next!
Attempt Four:
It was a RaZR-552mi model with a list of illegal modifications that would make any outlaw drool.
Um. All right. But what's on the list? Something's not right with this sentence. And what is it a model of?
Attempt Five:
It was a RaZR-552mi handgun with a list as long as Arthur's arm of illegal modifications that would make any outlaw drool.
All right. Better. Now I am back to a connection with Arthur, I've specified that it's a gun, and by the designation, it's an advanced model, but "as long as Arthur's arm" is kind of mild language for the tone of the scene.
Attempt Six:
It was a RaZR-552mi handgun with a list as long as a Hollan's cock of illegal modifications that would make any outlaw drool.
*headdesk* The sentence is awkward, and the reference to "outlaw" makes me think of a Western, which this scene is most assuredly not. Let me switch it around and chop off the excess. Not of the excess of the Hollan's cock. That would make the Hollan mad. I don't want to make him mad.
Attempt Seven:
It was a RaZR-552mi handgun with a checklist of illegal modifications that was as long as a reptilian Hollan's cock.
All right, this is somewhat better. I've established that there's a science fiction element to the scene from the get-go between the gun designation and the mention of an alien race. Still, it's not really grabbing me. I lost Arthur in this again.
Attempt Eight:
In Arthur Pendragon's hand, the RaZR-552mi handgun was surprisingly light.
Yeah, I totally went ballistics (no pun intended) on the sentence by rewriting it entirely. Arthur is back, I think that the gun designation is enough to hint to the science fiction aspect, but saying that the gun is "light" makes me think that maybe I've given Arthur a girly gun. Whoops. Gotta fix that.
Attempt Nine:
The RaZR-552mi handgun was too small in Arthur Pendragon's hand, but it would do the job.
Another complete rewrite of the sentence. I kept Arthur, I kept the gun designation, I kept the hint that the gun was small, and I gave it a purpose. All the elements I want are there, except it doesn't quite roll off the tongue one damn bit. Also, I had a random thought that, would they really refer to their weapons as "guns" in this universe? Maybe, maybe not.
Attempt Ten:
The RaZR-552mi blaster was almost weightless in Arthur Pendragon's hand, and it would do the job where everything else had failed.
I decided to use "blaster" instead of "gun" for reasons that will follow in the next few sentences of the scene (notably that blasters are illegal, while guns are all right if they are locked to the owner's ID chip). I changed "too small" to "almost weightless" to give it a hint of the exotic, because most weapons are pretty heavy unless you're used to the weight of carrying one, and Arthur is used to it, believe me. And on top of giving it a purpose, I gave it a special purpose. Whatever Arthur is going to be using it for, it's got a better than average chance of working where other weapons didn't against Arthur's opponent, which leads into the hook of why does Arthur have this particular gun and who (or what) is he going against?
I'm reasonably happy with this sentence (happy enough to stop picking at it and keep going), and just the process of picking it apart as many times as I did (only 10? Jesus, it felt like more) helped solidify the setting more. But, like I said, there's a reason why I don't let the inner editor out very often -- and that's because it took me one whole frigging hour to write this sentence.
It's only twenty-one words, people! Compare that to my usual word count. I can do 1,000 words in about 45 minutes if I know what I'm writing about (slower on certain angst-filled scenes, though, faster on action scenes). And here I killed one hour on 21 words!
This is why I keep repeating the mantra: Write. Forget about editing. Do it later. The facts and the details will come as you go. By the time you've finished writing something, however long it is, everything that needs to be there is there. Even if you're not happy with it as you write it, or even after you're finished writing it, remember that you can always fix it later.
Believe me, minute for minute, it will take you far less time to rewrite a section, a chapter, or even a short paragraph when you're done than the sum total of time it will take you to write a full fic if you're editing on the go.
The usual disclaimers apply, though. This process won't work for everyone. It's not uncommon for me to finish a fic, go back to the beginning, and to rewrite the whole thing from scratch. It doesn't happen as frequently as it used to because I've gotten better at holding the whole story in my head, details and tidbits and teasers, but it does happen. My record? I have rewritten a 100,000K novel (original fiction) eleven times. You read that right. Eleven times. If I go back to it now to fix all the problems that are still there, it will be rewrite number twelve. Ouch. And I'm not willing to give up on it.
For some people, maybe editing on the go works better than waiting until the end. I've seen people edit a chapter after they're finished writing it and before writing the next one. I've seen them write six chapters then go back to the beginning to edit it a second time, fixing inconsistencies along the way. I've seen them get halfway through and edit everything again to make sure that they were on track, adding details that didn't show up until they were further in, laying clues and tidbits of information. It might seem counterproductive to do it that way, but in the end, when they're done, all they have left to do is a line edit and they can turn in a polished piece.
Figure out what works best for you. Sadly, I can't follow that up with and stick with it, because every piece of fiction is different. Some of them want to be babied all the way through. Others just want to get written no matter what. Yet others are clingy and you can't get away from them however hard you shake your leg to get free. The only thing I can say is to figure out what works best for you for the fiction you're writing now.
And now to get back to writing Part 9 of LM. At least that baby is being sweet to me this time around.
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no subject
Date: 2012-01-16 11:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-17 01:58 am (UTC)How many gold stars am I up to now?
no subject
Date: 2012-01-17 02:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-20 01:43 am (UTC)FIVE?
I'm putting all this effort into resisting, and I only get FIVE?
*pouts*
no subject
Date: 2012-01-17 12:09 am (UTC)It was so hard not to continually rewrite the first sentence.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-20 01:42 am (UTC)But, yeah, it's really hard not to continually rewrite anything (never mind first sentences) to make them sound just perfect. The sad part is, a lot of the time, the way you get the sentence down the first time was the right way all along.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-17 09:56 am (UTC)Thanks for sharing your process. :)
no subject
Date: 2012-01-20 01:43 am (UTC)(damn it, hit [post] too fast)
I meant to also add: Thanks! :D
no subject
Date: 2012-01-17 01:06 pm (UTC)Btw, speaking of editing and characters, have you come across this problem before? You want to insert something or make the character do something but the mini character in your head suddenly puts his/her/its foot down and goes, 'No! I'm tired and I want to be relaxing in the shade a continent away! Make him go. He's going to be dead if you don't take him anyway.'
Then the other characters that live in your head just nod and says 'sounds reasonable', and you're left in the sidelines wondering who is the one who is actually writing the fic, and how you're suppose to reason out this new turn of events?
Sorry, just had a stubborn one hour argument in my head that took place in about 5 minutes with that exact same situation and was wondering how you would handle it.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-17 09:06 pm (UTC)Thanks for sharing :)
no subject
Date: 2012-01-20 01:47 am (UTC)Maybe that's why I write so fast -- to keep ahead of the inner editor? I dunno.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-20 01:45 am (UTC)As for the problem -- yes. I have. And I've given up arguing with them. Instead, I tell them, you go and sort it out, I'm going to go play with this other story instead, and that gets them in line pretty fast.
Usually.
Most of the time.
Aw, who the hell am I kidding. It doesn't work. At all.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-24 03:32 am (UTC)Seriously, that's the best advice for writers, ever. I write line by line in just the way you've described and I am excruciatingly slow. What's awful is I didn't always write this way. I used to bang it all out, then go back and edit later. I don't know why I changed. But going back to just letting the words be on the first go is harder than I ever thought it would be.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-25 12:12 am (UTC)I have some spare duct tape specially designed for keeping Inner Editors trapped and compliant, if you'd like to borrow some for some peace and quiet while you write?
No, seriously, I don't know what would help silence the inner editor. There are times when I just can't stop editing something over and over, but eventually I do have to keep writing or I won't finish anything. Maybe give yourself permission to edit what you wrote the night before (but you can only spend 5 minutes on it, and for every 5 minutes you spend you have to write X amount more words to even it out)? I don't know, but that would do it for me (because I am challenge-prone)...
no subject
Date: 2012-01-28 12:15 pm (UTC)I'm glad you got round to specifying that it was a weapon. I'm pretty sure there is a RazR that is a phone, and I was getting a bit confused, especially without the context of it being Scifi AU. :oD
no subject
Date: 2012-01-31 12:14 am (UTC)I was wondering if someone would pick up on that!
I've seen billions of commercials for RazR phones (not so much anymore), so that stuck in my head. I figured "razor" or an acronym for, would be a good name for a Sci-Fi gun... but once I wrote it out, I thought, "Geez, I wonder who's going to figure out that Arthur is staring at his phone? Oh, well, I'd better put in a mention that it's a GUN!"
:D
no subject
Date: 2012-01-31 11:35 pm (UTC)Attempt 2: "It was a RaZR-552mi model, jailbroken to accept any ID chip, modified for left-handed use." was where I was most confused. How the hell do you modify a phone for left hand use? By the time you'd modified it for long-range kills, I had the lightbulb moment.
For the record, that level of pedantry will usually be me. Maybe not only me. But I'll probably be there going, 'But that can't be right!'
no subject
Date: 2012-02-01 01:48 am (UTC)But! If something doesn't ring right to you, poke me a few times to fix it, please?
no subject
Date: 2012-02-04 12:20 pm (UTC)How do you feel about SPaG nitpickery?
no subject
Date: 2012-02-06 11:07 pm (UTC)SPaG is fine -- I will probably ignore grammar rules, though (there's a reason why I don't have Word's grammar checker turned on...)
I find the best way to point things out is to copy the full sentence and say what the error is. I can always do a FIND to find that exact phrase and make the correction.