loaded_march

If there's one thing I'd like, it's to have a week uninterrupted by headaches. More specifically, the headaches that grin at you with a slasher smile, slowly draw a knife up in the air, and stab you repeatedly in the head until you cry uncle and crawl into a dark room under cool blankets in the hope to die before the migraine kicks in.

So this will be a short post, I'm afraid -- both here and on Patreon, because I promised. You can find me over there. Just click this link. I don't have much up, I'm afraid (*cough*one post*cough*) and everything (*cough*one post*cough*) is open for everyone to view.

Most likely, any previews of original or fan fiction will be moved over to Patreon from this point forward, but I haven't figured that out yet.  I'm also not leaving DW or LJ anytime soon, so keep watching this space :)

As a standard disclaimer, for this post, assume "tabs" does not mean "an enumerated bill listing all items for which payment is owing", but instead, "the doohickeys filling up the browser's capabilities with a number of items to be read, referenced, or investigated further at a later time."

In other words, my browser has too many tabs.

About 70% of them have to do with Research^TM material, or are windows for searches that I haven't done yet but mean to do at my earliest opportunity. 10% are for fanfic that I meant to read months ago but still haven't read, but which are still open because I stubbornly convinced myself that I will read them at some point. Another 10% are reference sites for completely unrelated items of interest that I want to pursue more about. And the last 10% is roughly equally split into "I fucked up my knitting, how do I fix it", "I keep killing my seedlings why is it happening", and "I have a craving for tiramisu, what is the easiest and fastest way to make some".

And this, people, is the sum collection of a couple of months of never having closed my browser when I should know better.

Oh well.  I'll take care of that eventually.

Anyway, this is my usual "I have things to do but haven't done them because I'm (a) a lazy sod, (b) too busy to do any of it, (c) in denial, and/or (d) all of the above" post.  I will do better.  I promise.

As mentioned, January was going to be a beast no matter how much I squinted at it.  In the aftermath, it doesn't look any prettier, but it's done, and I've appreciated the break.

So, monsters aside, we're nearly at the end of February, which was a month of sub-zero... wait.  "Sub-zero" doesn't really have much significance these days, given the temperatures around the world, and we're kind of used to it?  For the sake of clarification, I'm talking the Celsius scale, and somewhere in the region of "cold enough to make skin freeze within 2 minutes of exposure".

Did you know snow sounds and feels different when it's that cold?

Other than "recovering" from January, huddling under blankets for most of February, and doing an admirable job procrastinating everything else, I've managed to:

1. Get a bit further along on the not-for-me Ravenclaw scarf.  I'm on my second blue ball and more than halfway through the silver.  I've found a couple of patches I'll sew on, and if I'm lucky I'll be industrious enough to complete it by my friend's birthday in a few months.  Photos pending.

2. Finally launched my Patreon.

Except I'm not going to announce it yet, because it's absolutely devoid of everything except a cover post and banner picture.  I'm face-palming with I don't know what I'm doing, and what the hell am I doing self-doubt, but I'll shake that off as soon as I post the link, since at that point I'll be very much in oh well, in for a penny in for a pound mindset, with no going back.

Kind of like Radioman.

I'm going to go poke at it some more.

3.  There is no #3.  I've been procrastinating.

An update in the form of a random drive-by, before I fall back on old (bad) habits of not posting on a regular basis:

There have been no new words to Current Writing Project, largely because I was distracted with books, and decided to spend the last week of my vacation reading.  And reading.  And reading.

I did get a bit further with setting up Patreon, then stopped, stumped, because I don't know what to actually do.  I'll figure it out by asking if everyone interested in this venture could help me figure it out, once I figure out what it is that I want to figure out in the first place.  This made more sense in my head, by the way.

I went into my 3 weeks of vacation knowing that my January was already solidly booked up.  Two days into the first workweek of the year (for me), and I'm now heinously solidly booked up, to the tune of hilariously and unpaid overtime.  There's also a slew of bad news (some good news, but the bad outweighs it) which I can't help but laugh about, because crying gives me a headache, and apparently, murder and mayhem as stress relief is still illegal.

Unfortunately.

And also, unfortunately, in these two days (four, if you count Saturday when I realized I had to go back to work, and Sunday, when the first crushing spiral of anxiety hit), I've realized that, while I normally handle stress fairly well, my body disagrees, because I've had three painful muscle spasms in my back in less than one regular workday.  I haven't had one of those in a really long time.  I did not miss them.

On the bright side, I made snickerdoodles.  I almost dropped the trays taking them out of the oven during muscle spasm #4, bu still.  Snickerdoodles.

I hope everyone's having a good week!

I'm looking for a book (or books) with a comprehensive overview of pre-medieval and medieval Gallic/French history.  It can be in French or English.

Does anyone know anything like this?  I'm afraid that my European history courses were limited to the French revolution era, and abstractly comprehensive on the Second World War, and that a generalized overview would be helpful in the sense of being able to research specific topics more in depth based on the information in an overview.


This may or may not be for the worldbuilding of a fantasy universe for at least three different original fiction ideas I have in various stages of planning.

Please and thank you!

So I slept in.  A lot.  Usually I'm up at 3:30 AM, at the gym by 4:00 AM -- but that's when I'm working, since it's more like up at 4:30 AM, gym by 5:00 AM now that I'm on vacation.  Sometime last night, my unconscious mind handed the reins in to the lazy slob of a gremlin who runs things in the back office, and unilaterally decided, "Let's skip the gym."

The other gremlins, who are either (a) overworked and take every spare minute to nap, or (b) an angry asshole permanently imprisoned in the dungeons, were quick to agree, to the tune of (a) "Yeah, sure, *snore*" and (b) "Grrgrrrrurghhhh", and the next thing I know it's 8:56 AM, and, fuck.

Since the Spouse also has vacation days on the Thursdays and Fridays until the end of the month, he was home, which means that I somehow ended up watching a movie on Netflix and knitting 6 inches of double-thickness Ravenclaw scarf instead of writing.  He had to go for an appointment after that, so I had a free hour after that, in which I wrote.... then went to find another book to read.

About two hours ago I decided that whoever bought me this book needs to be punished, and harshly, because while it's normally one of the genres I'd read, and very well written, and by one of those big-name authors who are always on my list, it's also... a thick.... dull book that starts without context, has a lot of confusing twists, and, seemingly, no main character(s) to follow.

Anyway, that was most of my day wasted, another book for the "Giveaway" pile, and another 1,000 words for the day, half of which I might end up deleting, because I'm trying to decide if that's the right direction to go in, or if I can wriggle my way out of the corner I've painted myself in.

Christ.  I'd forgotten that maintaining motivation to keep writing is hard.

Saturday was my first official vacation day.  I spent 80% of it in bed from a migraine.  Absolutely 0% of me was surprised.  I did, however, manage to write 657 words.

Sunday was a migraine hangover day, so I spent it doing zero writing, watching terrible B movies, and getting started on knitting a Ravenclaw scarf for a friend of mine.  Sorry, folks. I'm an unrepentant Slytherin.

Today, I went to the gym, cleaned the bathroom, had a nap, and scraped the 657 words because the beginning didn't make sense given the rough outline I'd written or the character sketches.  I did end up writing 1007 words, though.  Figuring out beginnings is a pain.


In other news, I was on my way to the tissue paper box on top of the kitchen, because I had a drippy nose, when I was intercepted by the Spouse, who hugged me from behind, having just come home from work.  I leaned my head back to say hi, he ducked his head down and glomps my nose...

And promptly stepped back to sputter and gag and try to clean his tongue on his sleeve (and later, on my sleeve, along my cheek, and through my hair), because when he glomped my nose, he also licked off the drippy goo.

I don't think I giggled so hard or for so long in a very long time.  Man, I'd needed that laugh.

So I had the ball -- then I dropped it.  The ball rolled under the sofa and disappeared in the Dark Void, where it was snatched by whatever Monsters Live Under Random Furniture, presumably to add to their hidden hoard of Shiny-Things-And-Socks.  As, once upon a time, I learned the lesson of never sticking my hand down unknown spaces without first (a) asking permission, and (b) wearing protection -- I'm talking about metal gauntlets, people, get your minds out of the gutter -- I chickened out of retrieving the ball and left it there.

For, ah, a couple of months.

Except for that random posting attempt in late May, it's taken me this long to get that ball back.  Some of it was a matter of hiking my pants up higher, tipping my helmet up, and stalking forward like a Viking marching into a beastly cavern toward certain doom or victory, but forgetting to actually walk in.  Mostly, though, I haven't been around because my head hasn't been in a good place.

Everything's fine, I promise.  All those I love are healthy and safe.  Nothing's been lost or destroyed.  I have no explanation besides the fact that I was...  well.  I guess the best word for it is struggling.

I think I'm still struggling, in some ways.  But I'm fine.  Or I will be, I suppose.


In summary, the last two months?  Work has gotten worse on some levels, but better in others; unfortunately, the scales still don't balance out.  So I've been hiding and not writing as much as I could, and have been busying myself with gardenwork and Dumb Things(TM) that make me happy.  It means all of my writing projects got put on hold, all the other associated writing projects got put on hold, and I'm not where I'd hoped I'd be by this point in time.

(And that's okay.)


But, short version?

The LM-Reboot/original fiction?  There has been progress.  Rough estimates are now at 80,000 words, with the ending of what will be Book 1 of 3 (maybe 5) definitely in sight (but not quite there, yet).  Draft Zero, ahoy!

The website I told myself I'd put together for my original fiction?  I've hauled ass and started work on it, but my graphics skills are appallingly bad, so I'm looking for artists to commission to do different bits and pieces.  I haven't been looking very hard thus far, so if you know of anyone taking commissions, please share!

For the special project I'm working on, there's been progress that I can't talk about yet, but I'm hoping people will be as excited about it as I am.  Again, I haven't done as much with it as I would've liked, and the outcome has been pushed back, but -- progress is progress.


How has everyone been?

I actually returned home from vacation stupidly late on Wednesday, which means, once again, the getting-to and getting-from the destination is the worst part of the entire trip, while the trip itself was quite lovely.  I did no writing, got a lot of reading done, accidentally came up with two fully-fleshed out ideas for two more books, have a half-assed idea for a third one, and caught up on my sleep.

On the accountability scale, I am still at just a smidge over 60k in what I'm affectionately calling the LM-Reboot.  I did no additional writing before leaving the country, but I did do a whole lot of research in several categories -- mythology, history, weapons, martial arts -- and nearly contacted an expert in one field with specific questions, but elected not to at the time, though I did save their email address for later, just in case.

The bright side of this research is that I'm a bit more confident in the underlying premise, mainly because the underlying premise was sketchy at best (until I got to the point where I really needed to define it), which, in turn, means that I can go back and fix a Plot Thing that didn't make sense, but will, once I fix it and add in a couple more chapters to smooth things out.

In other news, I made two in-a-cup lava cakes for dessert tonight, where one cup (mine) ended up all lava, and the other cup (the Spouse's) was more cake.  The spouse is not complaining, though he would have liked a little lava, while I could've used a little less.  He compensated by adding a healthy amount of maple syrup whipped cream, while I scraped my bowl with a spoon, because no one wastes chocolate if they can help it. 

Spouse:  Did you lick the bowl?  You have chocolate all over your face.

Me: Yup!

Spouse: How old are you again?  Five?

Me (very seriously and holding up four fingers): At least six.

So a couple of people have asked what turning Loaded March into an original fic will mean for Loaded March itself in fanfic form, and for its derivatives in other forms.  I wanna answer that question right off the bat, because I know how I'd feel if my favourite fanfics disappeared from the interwebs for whatever reason.


The TL;DR version is: Don't worry about it.


The longer, more detailed version begins with: Don't worry about it, because:

I'm still writing the first book.  I'm barely 50K in.  I'm hoping that it tops at 100-110K, and the way it's going, that might be an accurate estimation.  Taking into consideration the knowledge that I'll be unable to write for a couple of weeks this month for Reasons, and my current rate of words, it'll be at least another two months before I can call it a completed Draft Zero.

After Draft Zero comes the initial edits, where I fix all the spots I glossed over, do some research to fill in the gaps that I also glossed over, and do general copy edits.  It'll take me a few solid weekends, at least to get to the point where I can call it a First Draft.  Once I have a First Draft, I'm going to ignore it for a couple of weeks so that I can do copyedits with a fresh eye.  While I'm doing that, I'll be soliciting for beta readers to read my Second And Almost Ready Draft.  Odds are that I will barrel through First Draft and finish with Second Draft, but it depends.

While I'm waiting for the beta readers to read the Second Draft, I'll be doing other writerly things which may or may not include a special project that I'm not ready to talk about, writing the second book in the series, and wringing my hands in anxiety while I wait for feedback from those beta readers.

Then there'll be another round of edits based on the beta feedback.

Let's be generous and say that it'll be ready for submission to agents and/or publishing houses by the first week of September.  Some agents are actually pretty fast at getting back to query letters.  Some aren't.  Publishing houses definitely aren't, unless they are.  Again, let's be optimistic and say that it'll take two months before I hear back from every agent and publisher on my list.

I'm going to say up front that I have no idea which way the agent/publisher combo will go in regards to taking down fanfic on which original fic is based.  My experience and knowledge is a little dated since I haven't looked into it for a while, and the industry is waking up to the fact that fanfic writers are damn good writers and their stuff is worth looking at.  In general, publishers will not take a chance at -- will not look at -- anything that has been published anywhere in any form, whether it's paid or free, because it means they can't get First Rights to the work.  At least, that's my understanding of the legal aspect of it.

(If someone has any experience or knowledge on this, please chime in!)

If the Loaded March reboot was in fact a direct scene-by-scene copy, right down to lines of dialogue, characters and setting descriptions?  The First Rights thing is going to come into play and no publisher is going to want it.

Honestly, though?  I'm writing this original fic as original fic, which means I'm not copying any passages or scenes from Loaded March.  I'm not even looking at it.  If something gets duplicated, that's sheer coincidence (and lack of creativity on my part, whoops).  At most, the scenarios will be similar, the themes will be similar, but everything else will not be (FWIW, I'll be asking the betas to chime in, just to get an independent opinion).  My view on this is that the publishers will still get First Rights to the work, but they may see it differently.

If I'm lucky -- and let's be real, here, lucky has nothing to do with the quality of someone's writing or the material involved, because the publishing industry is a fickle mistress.  I know this because before I started writing fanfic, I'd been trying to get my books published for years, and had gotten close quite a few times, but no cigar --

If I'm lucky, and someone says yes and offers a contract contingent on Loaded March coming down, well.  That's the hurdle I'll jump when I get to it.  I'm not holding my breath here.  It'll be December, at a hopeful minimum before I see an offer.  If I see an offer.

Ultimately, though, if I'm not lucky and nobody picks it up, well.

Fuck it, I'll self pub, and I can do what I want.  In this case, Loaded March will definitely stay up.  I may have to do some fancy footwork to say, Yes, indeedy, I am the author of both, please stop throwing rotten tomatoes at my house because I can't plagiarize from myself, though that would be a feat! but I'm not worried about that.


In the end, the uncertainty that comes with whether a print or digital publisher will pick up the original fic version of Loaded March and want the fanfic to come down?  It's something I can't definitely answer right now.  I don't have that information, and I'm not there yet, anyway, so a lot of this is just... wishful thinking wrapped in ephemeral dreams.  There's no finished original fic, there's no queries out to agents or publishing houses, and there's no publishing contract on the table right now. 

If it helps any, I'm on the side of arguing for LM to stay posted.  For those of you who are working on podfics or translations or other forms of fanart?  You're the ones who are going to have to make the choice to continue or to stop.  There's a risk associated with this, and I'm not the one who can decide for you.

I'll keep everyone posted on any further knowledge or decisions as I get to them.  Otherwise... Be aware that there's a slim, tiny possibility Loaded March will come down, but for now, don't worry about it.