Writing Meme: "H"

[loaded_march]

dorci_adelaida asked for "H", which is, Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.


My favourite, favourite piece of dialogue -- the one I can quote from memory even though it's been over a year since I wrote it -- is from an original fiction that is out on submission.  Regretfully, I won't be posting it here for reasons of not screwing my chances of getting it published.

Other than that snippet, I can't think of any particular bits of dialogue that stand out.  I mean, I've written so much that I honestly don't remember some of the things I've written.  So, instead, I'm going to share a bit of dialogue that I wrote recently and that I'm fond of.


Some background:  This snippet comes from a Teen Wolf fanfic that I haven't finished and have put aside for now.  It's an AU -- the Stilinskis have just moved to Beacon Hills and some variation of canon has happened, though with different outcomes.  Stiles is the new kid at school and he's barely been there a few days when he gets in a fight with Jackson, and Stiles' dad, who is the new Sheriff, is not happy when Mr. Whittemore gives him a call, wanting to press charges.

---

"In three minutes, Deputy Graeme is going to bring Mr. Whittemore and his son into my office.  You have exactly two minutes to give me one damn good reason why I shouldn't agree to every single one of his requests to punish you for what you've done."

Stiles pointed at his face by way of explanation.  Not even prompt application of an ice pack had managed to keep the worst of the swelling down.  There was a half-moon shiner forming around his eye, a blackening purple-green-yellow bruise spreading toward his cheek and temple, and a large scratch just over his jaw where he'd hit asphalt when the very not-entirely-human Jackson had thrown him across the school parking lot.

The Sheriff crossed his arms, squinted his eyes, and raised his brows, unimpressed.  Stiles flailed an arm in the air.

"He threw the first punch.  There are witnesses.  There's video footage from the school security system, pathetic as it is.  And he doesn't have a mark on him," Stiles said.

An eyebrow inched higher.

"I'm doing him a favour, thrashing his car --" both eyebrows dropped and there was a pinch between the Sheriff's eyes, as if he were in great pain.  "-- we both know his type.  He'll have a new Porsche by the end of the week, if not sooner."

Stiles glanced over his shoulder and through the glass door.  Mr. Whittemore gestured rudely in the air and Jackson was behind his father, looking smug and self-satisfied, but Deputy Graeme was, thus far, a pretty effective barrier.  When he turned back, the Sheriff unfolded his arms and stared pointedly at his chest as if to say, it's me you're talking to.

Stiles grit his teeth.

"He invoked mom," he admitted quietly, clenching his hands tightly to keep his magic from tickling down his arms and frying everything in the room.

---

Why I like it:

As new as Stiles is to BHHS, his dad is new to being Sheriff of Beacon Hills.  The last thing someone in his position would want is to have his own son up on assault and property damage charges by the most vindictive asshole attorney in town.  It does not reflect well on him as the new Sheriff, and he will do anything to make sure that his first impression on the citizens of Beacon Hills is a good one.

On the flipside, while the Sheriff knows damn whell what his son is like and isn't suprised by the fight, he's also well aware that Stiles wouldn't have gotten into a brawl if there wasn't a really damn good reason.  Because of that, he's prepared.  As soon as Whittemore called him up and started blasting in his ear about his delinquent son, the Sheriff did his homework on Whittemore and has an ace up his sleeve (which comes out in the next part).

But he needs a reason to use it.  That's why he's staring Stiles down.  He wants to help his son, and he will take an excuse -- any legally justifiable excuse -- to do it.

And he gets one -- Jackson incited the fight.  He also started it, it's on camera, but it's Stiles who escalated the situation when he took a bat to Jackson's car.  While I'm not a legal expert by any means, I do know that the guy who incited the fight can be charged and the assault charges laid on the other person (who "won" or "ended" the fight) dismissed.

And that's what the Sheriff would have pushed for, regardless of Stiles' answer.  But knowing that Stiles was triggered by Jackson mocking Stiles' mother --

Oh, no, no.  That just does not stand, not for the Stilinski men.  The next part shows the Sheriff not bothering to placate or defuse the situation.  He's very firmly on his son's side, and he's using (but not abusing) the power of his position to nail the Whittemores to the wall.

That's why I like this part.  Stiles means everything to the Sheriff, and the two of them are close -- closer than they are on the show by virtue of their situation in this AU.